He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
