Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
