You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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