we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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