I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
