Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
