i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
