I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
there is glitter all over my balls
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
