I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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