Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
