bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
