Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
