I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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