Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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