wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
