Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
