If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
