you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
