Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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