Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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