i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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