That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
