Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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