Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
