Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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