don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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