your parents love me but you hate me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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