I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
we should paint friendship bongs
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