making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
