i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
