What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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