I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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