What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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