she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
