So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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