Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
