Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
