Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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