Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
