Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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