I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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