So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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