life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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