In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Blood and glitter go together right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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