My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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