Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
