does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
