suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
