Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
