He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
